October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Imagine for a moment being the mother of a small child when you hear the familiar sound of your partner’s vehicle pull into the driveway and it causes your stomach to flip and your child to scurry for her room because no one knows what will happen next, but historically it hasn’t been good. Imagine your partner has placed hidden cameras throughout the house so that he knows exactly what you’ve been up to all day, making it impossible for you to live a normal life. Imagine being beaten and broken, but when you file with the officials they instead inquire as to whether you may have had alcohol and somehow deserved what happened to you. These are all real-life scenarios that happen every day to at least 1 in 3 women, though this is reliant on women reporting abuse and that abuse is severely underreported. What does a woman in any of these three scenarios have for options? Well, if she’s in Fayette County, she has Fayette Cares.

Fayette Cares was started in 1986. It’s original founding was through a group of Irish Catholic Nuns who had heard of the incredibly low standard of living here in Fayette County. During the late 1980’s Fayette County was one of the poorest counties in our nation. From the very start, Fayette Cares sought to unite the entire community in its mission, recognizing that true strength came from embracing all faiths and beliefs. The organization welcomed people from every background, believing that we are all enriched by diverse perspectives and united in our shared commitment to helping others. More than just a shelter, Fayette Cares offered (and continues to offer) life skills, support, and empowerment, striving to provide a hand up, not a handout, to help individuals and families build better futures.

Around 1998, it became clear that domestic violence was unfortunately on the rise. This is due in part to the stigmas around it being recognized and victims being willing to share their stories. Abuse also happens to men, so it was important that Fayette Cares have options available for all victims of domestic violence. This is when Alexandra Porto came on the scene. Humble to a fault, she was quick to tell me that Fayette Cares was not about her. It might not be, but without her optimistic outlook, firm direction and tender heart; the organization would be missing an integral piece in what makes it function. There are several members on the team that work at Fayette Cares taking care of families that have fallen on hard times and victims of domestic abuse. Fayette Cares also has a large board. Some of those board members have been victims of abuse themselves. Amy Oliver is one of those members. I spent nearly 2 hours talking with her. Not all victims of abuse are willing or able to speak of the horrific atrocities they have experienced. Amy has reached a place in her journey where she is able to speak out about what she has been through. It is her place to give the exact details, but if you think abuse only happens to those in low class communities, you are wrong. Amy started out in an upper-middle-class community, but as the abuse began and continued she started numbing out the pain she experienced. Ultimately her life spiraled out of control. When she reached her low point she came to Fayette Cares. They surrounded her with love, gave her direction and helped her get on her feet. And then she went back to her abuser. This is where people get angry. “Why would she be so stupid?!” they ask incredulously. The current statistics say that a woman leaves here abuser as many as 7 times before she finally leaves for the last time. Unfortunately, sometimes that last time she leaves is with the coroner. After Amy went back to her abuser it took time, but eventually she found the resolve to leave and to leave for good. Fayette Cares was with her every step of the way, from helping her find housing, to being by her side in court, to helping get therapy, to inviting her to be a member of the board so that she could give a personal voice in the decisions being made. Today Amy is healthy, happy, in a loving relationship and enjoying being a mother inside that safe space.

If you’ve read many of these articles, you’re probably used to upbeat reviews of businesses here in Fayette County. It’s easy to wonder why we need to spend time on this topic. Domestic Violence affects far more than the man or woman being abused. For every 1 intimate partner homicide, there are 8-9 near fatal injuries to children, bystanders and emergency responders. Nearly 1/3 of law enforcement killed in the line of duty were actively responding to a domestic violence call. In Fayette County, 47% of 2022 crimes against persons were domestic violence crimes. (*Source: Crime in TN 2022- TBI Crime Report). Abuse reaches far beyond the home it occurs in. It can become generational. The good news is that there are organizations all over the United States, like Fayette Cares, that are doing all they can to change its outcome.

In 2007 Fayette Cares expanded to offer their Supportive Housing Program. This was one way they could help combat homelessness in our area. “This program helps end homelessness by building self-reliance through life skills, training, addressing financial management, parenting skills, domestic violence, home readiness, career development, and physical and mental health care.” (www.fayettecares.org/history). Homelessness simply cannot be fixed by handing out money. Fayette Cares is stepping up to fill in the gaps that may have come because of financial, educational or societal shortcomings. In 2014 they were able to expand those services when they added an additional 7 units to their emergency housing program. These 7 units have as many as 30 beds available so there is room to house whole families as they get on their feet. There is an additional studio unit available for a single person who may have fallen on hard times. They also work with the Carl Perkins center to help keep families together. Keeping families together has a ripple effect. There are no band-aids at Fayette Cares, only tools to change lives while they stand beside families in crisis and victims of domestic abuse and guide them through what may be the darkest season of their lives. They are also involved in local schools and religious organizations. Their program, One Love, helps give young people language to express their feelings and to give them a sense of worth. Young people with little or no self-worth are easy targets for abusers. This is one way that Fayette Cares is able to be proactive in a largely reactive endeavor.

Fayette Cares can’t do all of this on their own and that’s where YOU come in. I asked Alexandra what was more helpful, items or money? Money, no question, was the response. She said the reason for that is it is hard to store items for families. Having a dining table in storage does no good if a woman needs a car seat. That is why Fayette Cares no longer accepts household donations. They do, however, accept clothing donations. These items are then placed in the Fayette Cares Store in the town square. Money made from those sales is then used to fund Fayette Cares programs.  They also have a plant sale and a golf tournament in April, “Forks & Corks” in June, the famous High Cotton 5K/1K at Cotton Fest in September and “A Night of Southern Elegance” in November. All of these events help families in crisis and victims of domestic violence. Right now tickets are available for “A Night of Southern Elegance”. You can purchase them by visiting www.fayettecares.org/gala  or by calling 901-465-3802 ext.223. If you’d like to be a sponsor for this incredible event, visit www.fayettecares.org/gala/sponsor .

There’s a great story that Alexandra loves to tell. A young boy came to the Fayette Cares food pantry with his youth group to donate food they had gathered through donations. During his time at the food pantry he told Alexandra, “I used to live here!” Through her conversation with him she found that it wasn’t a source of shame or disappointment. His time there was one of happiness and love. His family was cared for. He was cared for. This is Fayette Cares’ goal. I hope when you think of Fayette Cares you don’t think of it as a shelter, as a place for “those people”. Instead, I hope you see it as a launching pad for members of our community who are bright eyed and excited about their future. I hope you see it as a place of love, a place of community, a place for dreams to take off. I hope you see it as a place you can give to, knowing a difference is being made. That difference is in the lives touched. Fayette Cares is saving lives. What more could we ask? If you’d like more information on Fayette Cares or are in need of their services, visit their website www.fayettecares.org or call 901-465-3802. Their clothing store can be found at 106 E. Market St. in Somerville. This is a great cause to shop local and shop Fayette first!

~Written By Karri Buck~